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“Divorce”

‘Divorce’ is Googled 7,480,000 times per month.

Because divorce is Googled so many times per month and because there are a zillion pages about divorce, it was going to be hard to compete in the search engine. So I chose something more specific “pain of divorce.” Yes, people are actually searching for that, 3,600 people per month in fact. In retrospect, these were most likely individuals who had already been divorced and just looking for a way to deal with the pain. But my press release is a different focus.

Here are the top search phrases people searched, when they found my press release.
1.broken heart divorce
2.pain broken heart
3.how to pray for you marriage
4.pain of divorce
5.pray for divource

Interestingly enough, in comparison to the suicide press release, this one has received a lot fewer hits (1,590) in four years. However, I have received multiple emails from people requesting prayer for their marriage, both men AND women. I have not received ANY emails from the suicide press release. I hope this is not a bad sign, but God knows. In later posts, I will elaborate on my analysis of those emails received.

**Note, the number of searches per month for divorce has cut in half since 2009. Not sure what this indicates, but maybe it’s a good sign?

Here is the “divorce” press release:
————————————
Marriage Divorce Broken Heart Unexpected Pain? Let me pray for you. There is hope.

Marriages are ending in divorce at an alarming rate. Hearts are broken and lives are overflowing with unexpected pain. We have learned to make it through each day because everything around us just says, “Give up. You’re now a part of the NORM.”

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

PRLog (Press Release) – Apr. 6, 2009 – Marriages are ending in divorce at an alarming rate. Hearts are broken and lives are overflowing with unexpected pain. We have learned to make it through each day because everything around us just says, “Give up. You’re now a part of the NORM.”

While expecting less than the best, we secretly long for more.

People are Googling ‘divorce’ 4 million more times per month than they are Googling ‘marriage.’ There are around 14 million searches for ‘divorce’ on average per month.

If you’re reading this press release, you’re more than likely one of those roughly 14 million individuals using Google as a first resort to find an answer to the problems that plague your marriage. Or maybe you’ve already resigned to give up and Google is your last ditch effort to at least find someone else who has survived the pain of divorce.

I’m not pointing my finger at you. I have also obsessively Googled any marriage problem under the sun to see what everyone else had to say regarding how to have a successful marriage. And I must confess that I still have not completely nipped my bad habit in the bud. But it hit me like a ton of bricks when I was meandering through my Bible the other day–Wow–I’ve been going to Google for answers instead of God?!? While it may flatter Google to know that they’ve received way more queries than God in the last month–this phenomenon is a small piece of the larger picture that depicts a world literally dying to know the truth. They just aren’t finding the answers that ring true.

You may argue with me….”But you CAN find God on Google.” “I’m reading THIS press release because I found it on Google.”

Yes. And you can find so much more. How are you going to filter your search results? How are you going to separate the wheat from the chaff? The good from the bad? The truth from the lies?

It won’t be easy. And by the time you’ve found one grain of salt, your mind will have likely become so clouded by fence straddling advice–that you just decide on compromising your beliefs in favor of your flesh.

You’re looking for a way to save your marriage. You’re looking for a way to keep your family together. You’re looking for a way to avenge a cheating spouse. You’re looking for a way to soothe your conscience. You’re looking for a way to fulfill the desires of your flesh. You’re looking for a way to find someone who REALLY cares. You’re looking for a way of escape.

Jesus said, “I am the way.”

Everyone is so afraid of offending the masses and yet they don’t know how to refrain from offending their own spouse. Everyone is so afraid of being politically correct, yet they can’t manage their own household with diplomacy. Everyone is so afraid of letting Jesus into their hearts that they settle for selling their family’s soul to the devil.

I get caught up in popular culture too. A lot of times, I just keep my mouth shut because I don’t want to offend someone who doesn’t believe Jesus is THE way. I don’t want people to think I’m weak because I believe that Jesus is THE way, the truth and the life. I am afraid that someone will deduce my intelligence to zero if they knew how much I depend on God to get me through each day. And I don’t want them to look up all my past indiscretions and just excuse my relationship with God as a hypocritical façade.

So I keep my mouth shut and continue to live in obscurity just like the rest of the world. THIS is not what our lives are supposed to be. I’m tired of living a mediocre life and settling for something less than the best. But I feel so swept away by society. I get caught up in a wave of excuses designed to keep us doing the same bad things over and over again.

I’ve run off on a little bit of a rabbit trail. What does all of this have to do with marriage?

Marriages are dying. They are getting choked out by lies. Lies in the form of concessions made for each gender: Men are visual creatures. Women are emotional creatures. Men are warriors. Women are nurturers. Men need lots of sex. Women can do without sex. Men need respect. Women need love.

And from these concessions, other, more dangerous conclusions are drawn, based on the general premise that “there is a good explanation or justification for your sin because as a man/woman, you just can’t help yourself.”

Do not be deceived, God is not mocked. Whatever you sow, you will reap.

Simple as that–MAN or WOMAN–it remains difficult to live IN this world but not OF this world.

That is why I’m not offering answers for your specific marriage problem. I’m begging you to go to the Word of God and look for those answers yourself. Because I am human and face the same problems in my marriage as you, I am better suited to pray for you and leave the answers to God.

This is what I want my ministry to be–to pray for your marriage. To have faith with you that your marriage will be healed. You are not alone and I want you to have the faith to keep going because God can work a miracle in your marriage. God can turn your situation around and work everything together for your good. I created an email address specifically for collecting prayer requests for your marriage. You can email me with your name and prayer request. You do not have to include your name. You do not have to include your problem. You can just email me and say something like, “My marriage needs prayer.”

I will pray for you every day to the best of my ability and if I get so many requests that I cannot handle the volume, I will invite others to join me.

The reason I’ve decided to do this is because I’ve been praying for a big purpose in life and there is nothing more disturbing than seeing the family unit dissolve so quickly. I want my prayers for your marriage to serve as the hope that you need to keep going and the proof that you need to believe God still answers prayer.

If you need prayer for your marriage, email me at: marriageprayers@gmail.com

You can email anonymously if you wish.

Thank you for reading and I pray that you can live in Godly harmony with your spouse. Divorce is only a temporary solution to a permanent problem.

# # #

If you’re reading this press release, you’re more than likely one of those roughly 14 million individuals using Google as a first resort to find an answer to the problems that plague your marriage. Or maybe you’ve already resigned to give up and Google is your last ditch effort to at least find someone else who has survived the pain of divorce.
— End —

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Polygamy/Western Adultery

Story of a man's immigration journey from a primitive African village to the United States Air Force Academy as an international exchange cadet. Stark images of the dissonance between two worlds, one where poverty reigns and the other where goodwill outweighs good sense. This book reveals the epic struggle of immigrants everywhere searching for a better life in the United States, only to find that what they've left behind haunts them even past pledging their allegiance to a new flag of hope.  Adopting America contains vivid imagery of what it's like to try to exist within a world that is not your own--of how it feels to adopt the ways of the Western world. A true story of International Adoption intertwines with the plot to give a realistic view of what it's like to adopt children from a third world country and hope they adopt American ways.  This book also includes a detailed account of life as an international exchange cadet at the United States Air Force Academy, with contrasts to third world military systems in comparison to the more developed U.S. military.

Story of a man’s immigration journey from a primitive African village to the United States Air Force Academy as an international exchange cadet. Stark images of the dissonance between two worlds, one where poverty reigns and the other where goodwill outweighs good sense. This book reveals the epic struggle of immigrants everywhere searching for a better life in the United States, only to find that what they’ve left behind haunts them even past pledging their allegiance to a new flag of hope.
Adopting America contains vivid imagery of what it’s like to try to exist within a world that is not your own–of how it feels to adopt the ways of the Western world. A true story of International Adoption intertwines with the plot to give a realistic view of what it’s like to adopt children from a third world country and hope they adopt American ways.
This book also includes a detailed account of life as an international exchange cadet at the United States Air Force Academy, with contrasts to third world military systems in comparison to the more developed U.S. military.

‘polygamy’ is Googled approximately 300,000 times per month globally.
My first few months in Yaoundé were a lot like my first few months at the Academy. I was totally unfamiliar with the culture of the city and my social learning curve made it difficult to initially make friends or gain the support of my extended family. My uncle refused to let me stay with him because his house was already too full. Instead I was directed to go and live with one of his wives who would supposedly be able to take better care of me since she would already be cooking for her children and caring for them. I would just be an extra mouth to feed and according to my uncle, it would make no real difference for her to fill one more plate. She had no say in the matter as my uncle was the one supporting her financially. But she did determine how I would be treated in her house. She set the tone for her children to treat me as their personal bus boy, cleaning their clothes, serving their food and just performing any other task they deemed necessary in order for me to pull my weight as an intruder in their home.

While it is common knowledge that having multiple wives is the norm in most African cultures, there are several details that make the defined tradition of polygamy very similar to the undefined faux pas of marital infidelity in the west.  It seems that in America, adultery happens in the shadows and is initially denied, should evidence surface that would incriminate the guilty party. Polygamy isn’t a game of guesswork, because everyone knows they aren’t the only one and never assumes otherwise. This doesn’t mean each party is at peace with the divided loyalty that defines their day to day existence. In fact, the same jealousy and uncertainty that is characteristic of the unknown in relationships where adultery is commonplace, also plagues the relationship of a polygamist who must deal with the repercussions of trying to juggle the emotions of several women constantly vying for his undivided attention. Both adultery and polygamy are compromises of the human soul, each party wanting what they don’t have, instead only getting what they don’t want.

My uncle, a Christian man, did not live the traditional life of an African man guided by a sense of entitlement to the usual allotment of wives. His acquisition of several women with whom he reproduced was for him a natural progression that is typically referred to in the west as falling in and out of love, divorcing the latest disappointment in hopes of a better match. The major difference between the two lifestyles is that polygamy doesn’t formalize a physical separation into terms of divorce. The former wife typically referred to as the “ex” would in a polygamist relationship almost always retain an important role in the life of her husband.

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Adultery

‘adultery’ is Googled 450,000 times per month.

For years
I’ve kept my eyes
from catching yours
because
I knew it might take me beyond
the safe distance
of your voice.

Every day
I’ve withered
from the side
in your arms
when you held me
tighter than I could respond
smiling politely
in the distance
when you tried to catch
my glance
knowing
that I’d have to face you
tomorrow.

But today
the day
i know i’ll never see you again
except on formal occasion
with curious observers
to decide
I turned your glance
into a gaze
and sank into your arms
with mutual embrace
knowing the rush
of everything I’d kept inside
was enough
to convince you
I was right
to stay away.

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Your Sin

‘cheating spouse’ is Googled 301,000 times per month.

Once in a while
I find myself
On the outside
Looking in
On your sin
And I’m not sad
Because I know I’m bad.

My reaction
I’m over the action
So I hope you believe me
When I say you’re free
Like her
Now it’s me I prefer.

Maybe on the weekend
Stay out late
Make it a date
Never so easy
To be my hero
Take it low
Let’s see how far
We’ll both go.

Keep quiet
Don’t fight it
My sky’s so blue
When you choose
And I’ll keep winning
When we lose.