Salvation Unplugged – But now I see through the glass clearly, until I take my eyes off of Jesus again.
In my quest to re-read Christianity God gave me a gift, not in exchange for something I’d done or as retribution for the misery to which I’d subjected myself all in the name of taking up my cross to follow Him, but he gave me a gift because I asked. I asked God for the gift of understanding, I asked that the scales be removed from my eyes. I asked to understand his love, mercy and grace through new eyes, eyes filled with light, not with darkness. And in an instant, God flooded my soul with a momentary experiential understanding of what “freedom” in Christ actually means.
I felt so free, and I WAS so free that others saw it in me for a few days. Remember when Moses came down from the mountain and he had to cover his face so that the people would not be blinded because his countenance was so bright? In a sense this is what had happened to me. I came down from the mountain and friends and family listened to what I had to say (power). They were pleasantly surprised by my radiance and the newfound hope physically present all over my face. I felt love for them and I felt loved by them (love) and my mind was clearer and lighter (sound mind) than it had been in years. I was a modern day female version of Peter walking on water and it felt really cool that God and I had finally “jived” beyond the contrived Christianity for which I’d been bleeding sweat and tears all those years.
Then I took my eyes off of Him and in Him is light.
And in Him and ONLY IN Him is there NO darkness.
I changed my focus and began to obsess over what people would think of my newfound take on how God’s grace is much greater than the great to which we restrict our own understanding of greatness. I started analyzing just how long I thought I might be able to sustain this miracle of walking on spiritual water. The darkness overwhelmed and I sank again. I began to question whether I had ever really walked on water or whether it had just been a result of an earthly phenomena, a cataclysmic coincidence or a manifestation of one of my many “moods.”
But it was so real. And others had witnessed me walking on water but if only for a brief moment they knew that I’d experienced something freeing, something real, and something so full of joy that they would be foolish to argue its authenticity. I wanted that experience to live on. I wanted to drink the living water that would make that moment an everyday reality.
Experiencing freedom gave me the determination to seek and knock on some more doors and search for that one little lost coin that doesn’t initially seem so valuable in other people’s eyes. I wanted to be able to share the reality of that momentary high of liberation with others here on this earth with the same passion Paul had once served all kinds of people from varying backgrounds and tongues. I’ve been digging and digging even deeper to uncover those things that are buried-those teachings that keep me buried beneath the weight of something other than the light load about which Jesus speaks.
Where can I find the joy of salvation that’s more than a trite phrase preachers like to use while innocently intoxicated by their own platform? How can I feel God’s grace down to the quick? Surely there is a knowing that’s more than the saying I know. Indeed there has to be an experience, a daily application that bears undeniable witness to the presence of a living God. Truly, there has to be a Spirit that is recognized in me by others that goes beyond my external judgment of how they live their lives. There must be a dimension of God’s love that can be felt above and beyond physical, emotional and mental torture. This Christian life has to be more than a lens through which to view the struggle of good versus evil.
How can I go and make disciples like Jesus commanded? Disciples of what? Disciples of my fear? Disciples of slavery to the same Law wherein it was written, “They would hate Jesus without a cause?” If Jesus came to set the captives free, then I’m certainly a prime candidate to be freed from the imprisonment of my flesh that is only concerned with the ultimate knowledge of sin and the law. I most definitely need to be released from my robotic reaction to things, the calculative and stifling way of rotating in an earthly existence that denies God’s Kingdom as part of our orbit….
- Come, Walk on the Water (teatimewithesther.wordpress.com)