“Divorce”

‘Divorce’ is Googled 7,480,000 times per month.

Because divorce is Googled so many times per month and because there are a zillion pages about divorce, it was going to be hard to compete in the search engine. So I chose something more specific “pain of divorce.” Yes, people are actually searching for that, 3,600 people per month in fact. In retrospect, these were most likely individuals who had already been divorced and just looking for a way to deal with the pain. But my press release is a different focus.

Here are the top search phrases people searched, when they found my press release.
1.broken heart divorce
2.pain broken heart
3.how to pray for you marriage
4.pain of divorce
5.pray for divource

Interestingly enough, in comparison to the suicide press release, this one has received a lot fewer hits (1,590) in four years. However, I have received multiple emails from people requesting prayer for their marriage, both men AND women. I have not received ANY emails from the suicide press release. I hope this is not a bad sign, but God knows. In later posts, I will elaborate on my analysis of those emails received.

**Note, the number of searches per month for divorce has cut in half since 2009. Not sure what this indicates, but maybe it’s a good sign?

Here is the “divorce” press release:
————————————
Marriage Divorce Broken Heart Unexpected Pain? Let me pray for you. There is hope.

Marriages are ending in divorce at an alarming rate. Hearts are broken and lives are overflowing with unexpected pain. We have learned to make it through each day because everything around us just says, “Give up. You’re now a part of the NORM.”

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

PRLog (Press Release) – Apr. 6, 2009 – Marriages are ending in divorce at an alarming rate. Hearts are broken and lives are overflowing with unexpected pain. We have learned to make it through each day because everything around us just says, “Give up. You’re now a part of the NORM.”

While expecting less than the best, we secretly long for more.

People are Googling ‘divorce’ 4 million more times per month than they are Googling ‘marriage.’ There are around 14 million searches for ‘divorce’ on average per month.

If you’re reading this press release, you’re more than likely one of those roughly 14 million individuals using Google as a first resort to find an answer to the problems that plague your marriage. Or maybe you’ve already resigned to give up and Google is your last ditch effort to at least find someone else who has survived the pain of divorce.

I’m not pointing my finger at you. I have also obsessively Googled any marriage problem under the sun to see what everyone else had to say regarding how to have a successful marriage. And I must confess that I still have not completely nipped my bad habit in the bud. But it hit me like a ton of bricks when I was meandering through my Bible the other day–Wow–I’ve been going to Google for answers instead of God?!? While it may flatter Google to know that they’ve received way more queries than God in the last month–this phenomenon is a small piece of the larger picture that depicts a world literally dying to know the truth. They just aren’t finding the answers that ring true.

You may argue with me….”But you CAN find God on Google.” “I’m reading THIS press release because I found it on Google.”

Yes. And you can find so much more. How are you going to filter your search results? How are you going to separate the wheat from the chaff? The good from the bad? The truth from the lies?

It won’t be easy. And by the time you’ve found one grain of salt, your mind will have likely become so clouded by fence straddling advice–that you just decide on compromising your beliefs in favor of your flesh.

You’re looking for a way to save your marriage. You’re looking for a way to keep your family together. You’re looking for a way to avenge a cheating spouse. You’re looking for a way to soothe your conscience. You’re looking for a way to fulfill the desires of your flesh. You’re looking for a way to find someone who REALLY cares. You’re looking for a way of escape.

Jesus said, “I am the way.”

Everyone is so afraid of offending the masses and yet they don’t know how to refrain from offending their own spouse. Everyone is so afraid of being politically correct, yet they can’t manage their own household with diplomacy. Everyone is so afraid of letting Jesus into their hearts that they settle for selling their family’s soul to the devil.

I get caught up in popular culture too. A lot of times, I just keep my mouth shut because I don’t want to offend someone who doesn’t believe Jesus is THE way. I don’t want people to think I’m weak because I believe that Jesus is THE way, the truth and the life. I am afraid that someone will deduce my intelligence to zero if they knew how much I depend on God to get me through each day. And I don’t want them to look up all my past indiscretions and just excuse my relationship with God as a hypocritical façade.

So I keep my mouth shut and continue to live in obscurity just like the rest of the world. THIS is not what our lives are supposed to be. I’m tired of living a mediocre life and settling for something less than the best. But I feel so swept away by society. I get caught up in a wave of excuses designed to keep us doing the same bad things over and over again.

I’ve run off on a little bit of a rabbit trail. What does all of this have to do with marriage?

Marriages are dying. They are getting choked out by lies. Lies in the form of concessions made for each gender: Men are visual creatures. Women are emotional creatures. Men are warriors. Women are nurturers. Men need lots of sex. Women can do without sex. Men need respect. Women need love.

And from these concessions, other, more dangerous conclusions are drawn, based on the general premise that “there is a good explanation or justification for your sin because as a man/woman, you just can’t help yourself.”

Do not be deceived, God is not mocked. Whatever you sow, you will reap.

Simple as that–MAN or WOMAN–it remains difficult to live IN this world but not OF this world.

That is why I’m not offering answers for your specific marriage problem. I’m begging you to go to the Word of God and look for those answers yourself. Because I am human and face the same problems in my marriage as you, I am better suited to pray for you and leave the answers to God.

This is what I want my ministry to be–to pray for your marriage. To have faith with you that your marriage will be healed. You are not alone and I want you to have the faith to keep going because God can work a miracle in your marriage. God can turn your situation around and work everything together for your good. I created an email address specifically for collecting prayer requests for your marriage. You can email me with your name and prayer request. You do not have to include your name. You do not have to include your problem. You can just email me and say something like, “My marriage needs prayer.”

I will pray for you every day to the best of my ability and if I get so many requests that I cannot handle the volume, I will invite others to join me.

The reason I’ve decided to do this is because I’ve been praying for a big purpose in life and there is nothing more disturbing than seeing the family unit dissolve so quickly. I want my prayers for your marriage to serve as the hope that you need to keep going and the proof that you need to believe God still answers prayer.

If you need prayer for your marriage, email me at: marriageprayers@gmail.com

You can email anonymously if you wish.

Thank you for reading and I pray that you can live in Godly harmony with your spouse. Divorce is only a temporary solution to a permanent problem.

# # #

If you’re reading this press release, you’re more than likely one of those roughly 14 million individuals using Google as a first resort to find an answer to the problems that plague your marriage. Or maybe you’ve already resigned to give up and Google is your last ditch effort to at least find someone else who has survived the pain of divorce.
— End —

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12 thoughts on ““Divorce”

    • Your article on divorce. 🙂 When I am about to publish an article, it shows me related articles so that I can read and include in my post. I agree with you on the point that divorce is “costly” but would probably be more inclined to focus on the emotional/spiritual cost.

      • I “get” that. Personally, when I think about “divorce,” the physical aspects of divorce are the first ones to surface (how would I pay for this? how would I handle being alone? who would live where?). Spiritual aspects do not really emerge until I really try to imagine what divorce would ultimately mean to me and to my children and generations to come. The people that have contacted me are ones who are looking for hope of restoration in their marriage, not those who have already decided to leave.

  1. No offense but people with a troubled marriage need more than just prayer. Christians and evangelicals get divorced as much as the rest of us, so simply relying on Jesus isn’t good enough.

    • You are so right. In fact most of the people that have contacted me for prayer did not see “redemption” in their marriage relationship, and it eventually culminated in divorce. Does this mean that my prayers do not matter? Does this mean that God does not answer prayer? Or perhaps that we’re not praying the right prayer? Or that the institution of marriage itself, as it has become in today’s society, is not what God initially intended? I think that “going to God in prayer” is an admission that none of us have the right answers, that we are submitting to a power beyond ourselves, beyond our own ability to reconcile problems within our marriage and life overall. In light of the fact that not all of us believe in Jesus Christ or His power to redeem/significantly change our situations for the better, would it then in turn be more fitting for someone to come across the advice to “get on with it, move on, divorce right away and forget it ever happened” and then to follow that advice in hopes that their next marriage or their life of singleness will turn out to be a better option?

      I do tend to “fundamentalize” a lot of what I write, but it doesn’t mean I can’t “think critically” or “sympathetically” toward those who are unfamiliar with the cliché,passé ways in which “Christians” tend to relate to their world.

      I really appreciate your comment. Thank you for visiting my blog. Stay tuned to hear more about how “those prayers” actually turned out.

    • I am not in a marriage as of yet. I however have seen my far share of divorces happen most of which were unexpected and by Christians. I do not feel it is so much of relying on Jesus as it is changing your mindset. Going into marriage thinking you could possibly get a divorce is what a lot of people do. Most Christians are not willing to fight just as much as those who are not Christians are willing to fight. If you struggle financially that is no reason to take it out on a spouse. Loving someone is seeing the things that are annoying and loving them none the less. People get so side tracked by the annoyances that they forget what truly matters in the marriage. Prayer marked with affirmative action will result in a change. Chris August’s song Restore sums it up. You have to fight for your marriage if you are struggling. If we are too quick to give in you let Satan build on the things that are making you feel like divorce is the only way to feel happy. This is all from a Christian aspect of course and others will feel differently. My parents have been married for 25 years and i am only echoing what they have taught me. By the way i have only seen them really argue or “fight” as you may call it 2 times in my life time and im 21. My parents made certain to make Christ the center. He provided. With the right intentions and mentality God will provide for you.

      • readythefuse,
        My parents have been married for 30 or so years. I’ve seen “Christian” people stay married for many many years and then all of the sudden when they’ve “had enough” one of them leaves the other, or they both decide it’s time to call it quits. (many times after the children leave the home). Britt Nicole who is a Christian singer that sings “Gold,” her parents divorced when she was around 7 I think, and a lot of her music is inspired by that event. She still has faith, even though her parents were unable to keep their marriage together. I agree with you that “prayer marked with affirmative action will result in change.” It’s just that sometimes, the change is slow coming, and people give up before that time. In my own experience, and in the experience of those closest to me, marriage is extremely difficult, but also extremely rewarding. You may enjoy the following blog: http://calebseye.wordpress.com/ii-the-fall/011b-genesis-3-part-4%c2%bd/ This particular post talks about the “curses” in the Garden of Eden. I find that this perspective is really close to my own experience as a woman in marriage. Thanks for reading!

  2. Thanks for giving the reference, by the way.
    I want to say that while prayer is not a mechanical way to guarantee success, that it is important in ways we can’t see even when the prayer doesn’t seem to be answered. The only situation I have begun to see as “hopeless” is in the case of physical abuse; I would counsel divorce in that case, not as giving up, but as a way to seek healing in a context where no one get hurt any more. Other problems, I think, can be healed within marriage if both partners are really determined to do it. I think you are providing an important counter force to the tendency to casual divorce and I appreciate it.
    Thanks also for reading so much of what I wrote and leaving comments. I do hope my brief discussion of marriage after the Fall doesn’t come across as cynical; though I have been blessed in my own marriage I have seen far too many miserable marriages with people who don’t know what to do about their situation. There are probably many causes, as you point out.
    In case you want to do even more reading, on the Caleb’s Eye II site I have written comments on Moses and on the page listed as 161 there is a section on the laws regarding divorce in ancient Israel. It is part of a longer section from 160 to 162 on the commandment against adultery and touches on sexual ethics more generally. It is not directly relevant to what you are doing here, but there it is if you are inclined.\
    Blessings on you.
    Carroll

    • Carroll,
      Definitely going to check that section out. When I read your first few posts, I had just recently done a fairly critical reading of those chapters. So as you suggested in your blog, I’m going to read the chapters first before I continue reading your reflection on those chapters, so that I can get my own unbiased opinions going first. But I will check out the Caleb’s Eye II.

      I wish that your discussion of marriage ‘after the Fall’ was cynical, but I tend to think that it’s more realistic than anything. I’d like to read what you have to say about “Life after Redemption” in relation to the curses. Have you weighed in on any New Testament Scriptures yet? So, what hope is there for the desperate woman and the overworked man?

      Important point about someone needing to seek help in situations of abuse. Agreed!
      Thank you for reading,
      Anna

  3. The only thing on the New Testament I have written on the New Testament is that I am in the middle of a verse by verse discussion of Galatians, which I am posting on Caleb’s Eye II. It doesn’t say anything about divorce, not directly.
    As to Life after Redemption, the first principle I would stress is that we are not under the Law. That means that divorce is not a question of sin or not sin; divorce is a question of love or not love to one’s neighbor, in this case the spouse. One may well find it necessary to divorce someone, but one is never released from the obligation to love that person. Naturally love outside of marriage is a different thing physically than love inside a marriage. The main component of love of neighbor is doing them good, and if that is impossible, at least doing them no harm. I think a Christian should weigh the alternatives: is divorce the only way I can do good to my spouse, or is it the only way I can keep from doing harm? I don’t think it is correct methodology for a Christian to approach divorce from the viewpoint of “what is best for me?” with maybe two exceptions. Abuse I already pointed out. The other is what effect continuing the marriage will have on any children. Staying together for the sake of the kids is not always best for them. Can we do good to our spouse and our children and stay married, or would divorce be the best we can do? I don’t feel like I am expressing myself very well, but this is the best answer I can come up with.
    Does this make sense? I am not a qualified counselor so my opinion shouldn’t have much weight,

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